Getting Married Is Not a Cure
I have no furniture at the moment. My brother recently came to move it out for me. My mother is astonished that I'm just winging it for the next almost three weeks until I move in with my soon-to-be husband (it's so close!). It was great to catch up with my brother and we snapped a photo to send to our mother on Mother's Day which happened to be over the weekend he came to visit.
As my wedding approaches, I have been struggling with my family situation. I'm not surprised because I've dreamed of my wedding for a long time and it always included my many-years-married parents standing there and my father giving me away. My relationship with my father is strained and our family dynamic has drastically changed, so reconciling my reality and my dream has been a task. It has been my hard work for the last almost 10 years to accept what happened to my family unit.
Now, my mother and brother and I live in three different states. We have learned how to survive without seeing each other which is so different from how things used to be. Even when we first moved apart, we tried to link up as much as possible. It's much harder these days as our lives are taking off and changing all the time.
I never thought that getting married would "fix" anything. I am so excited to marry my best friend and my love. I also recognize that me getting married has shed light on the tough things in my life. Things that I have to continue to work through. I'm experiencing so many wonderful feelings surrounding this new change in my life, but being in love and embarking on marriage does not cure the pain or take the remnants of the pain away.
I am grateful that I have been working to move forward after being devastated by a crushing divorce between my parents. The grief process has been difficult to say the least, but so worth it. Working through all the feelings has allowed my heart to remain open to love and all of its ups and downs. It has allowed me to remember that there is nothing wrong with me even though my father decided to leave his family (which had a profound effect on my life). It has also allowed me to see that healing is absolutely possible.
I have also realized that getting married or being in a loving relationship doesn't erase the past or its pains. If I did not deal with my own life and all that came with it, no boyfriend or husband was going to help that. I would just be running from what I needed to face head on. While marriage is not the cure all, I am fortunate to have a man in my life who supports and comforts me when my heart hurts from the divorce. He is there when I feel at a loss of how to navigate my life with a family unit that is nothing like I imagined it would be.
One thing I do know is that God is with me and that there is a purpose in what happened. I am not exactly sure what that is yet, but I know that He will guide me through every high and every low. He brought me Damien and I am so thankful. Still, I will look to Christ to be the answer, not my future husband. I want to be sure to work through my feelings and not let my future husband's love and our beautiful life together become a bandaid. Eventually, the truth will catch up with me. So, I figure I might as well stand tall and face it right now.
Wherever you are in your journey of healing, I encourage you to keep walking through it. It's okay if you have setbacks. It's okay if you think you're doing well and then, all of a sudden, a wave of grief brings you to your knees (I've been there!). It doesn't mean you're not progressing. On the contrary, it means you're in a place where your heart is comfortable enough to feel whatever it is you're feeling in the moment. March on, soldier.
Most of all, understand that you can be really happy about something wonderful that's going on in your life and still sad about the things that broke you. It doesn't make you ungrateful or pitiful; it makes you human. You are not alone, friends! Celebrate the ups and brave through the downs. You've got this!
I can't wait to see my mother and brother for my wedding day that will be here before I know it. Until next time, friends ...
Take good care of yourselves,