I'm fine; It's fine; Everything's fine.
I am thankful for such sweet and wonderful people in my life who truly want to know how I've been doing. I got married, moved out of my single abode 3 days later, moved with my husband to a new city two weeks later, then started a job the very next day. Planning and coordinating all of that was a bear as I was working full-time and living life in general. Life doesn't stop when our to-do list explodes.
There were countless late nights and several moments of panic because I either forgot something or thought I forgot something. I kept going because I had things to do and responsibilities to uphold. It was so much, but I kept telling myself that it would all be over soon and then life would go back to normal. Boy - was I wrong. What I didn't realize was that there was not going to be a normal (as I knew it) waiting for me at the end of it all. I've discovered that my normal is still in the works. It will take time for me to build a life that I would deem normal and I have to be okay with that.
Things are starting to settle down and I'm left to face the consequences of these changes and what they mean for my life now. They are all new and exciting things and they also carry a weight that I didn't feel when I was walking into them. However, I'm feeling it now.
Here's the rundown of these life changes and how I'm doing:
New City
We moved to a larger city. I should be used to that kind of life since I grew up in the DMV (for those non-DMV folks that means the DC-Maryland-Virginia area). For the first 22 years of my life, all I knew was fast-paced driving, traffic jams caused by simply having too many people on the road, ridiculous work commutes (my first job meant that I commuted a total of 3 hours every day), and lots of hustle and bustle on a regular basis.
I moved to Clemson, South Carolina to attend Clemson University (GO TIGERS!) for graduate school and it changed my life for the better. I had no idea one could go at a slower pace and I loved it. Although, I moved back home after Clemson, I couldn't wait to move back and that's exactly what I did. I call North Carolina home and have done so for the last 9 years. Needless to say, my routine from the last several years has been broken.
A new, large city means a plethora of options for things to do, places to eat, and traffic jams to get into on the way home from work. Sometimes, my husband and I want to do something and don't even know where to start. Truthfully, I'm overwhelmed. I am also excited and eager to start trying new places and things. We have tried a couple things here and there, but we will soon be digging in, literally and figuratively.
New Job
I spent 7 years at a wonderful place that made the work I did so beautiful. God gave me a family in my workplace and so many people do not have that. I felt very safe at my old job and I loved going to work every day, even on the hard days. I was afraid that I wouldn't find a place that made me feel that way again or that I would have to settle for a job.
Everything about the process of obtaining my new job has shown me that God is with me and that He truly does order my steps. I am working in college counseling at a wonderful school and the team has been so welcoming as I've made so many transitions. I went through 3 interview sessions and landed the job. I was nervous the entire time, but God reassured me that it was all going to be okay. After my first interview, I remember thinking about how comfortable I felt. When I visited the school, I remember thinking about how I could imagine myself there.
Now, I'm a part of the team and I am confident that God will help me as I start. I'm also feeling like the new girl who wants to do well and get it right. I'm trying not to psyche myself out and worry too much (because, hello, perfectionism). My supervisor has been gracious and reassuring the entire time.
I am sure this job will challenge me, stretch me, and grow me. I am so thankful for what is to come and just as God showed me He is faithful through the interview process, I know He will show faithfulness as I actually work the job. Let's do it!
New husband
I saved the best for last! I am truly enjoying being married. Being with my best friend all the time is so fun and exciting. Also, my husband is my mirror. I have never felt more exposed than I do now. I cannot hide or make excuses for my actions. I've come face to face with some ugly truths about myself, even in the short time we have been married. We are living together for the first time and that adds another layer to the situation.
Before we were married, we went to pre-marital counseling (a MUST in my opinion) and we thoroughly discussed communication. Damien and I work at our communication and that has come in handy already. I knew that there were many flaws that I needed to work through, but, to be honest, I just didn't because it was me, myself, and I. Well, that's not a defense anymore and it never should have been one in the first place. I realize now that I used my singleness to, at times, exempt my unhealthy behaviors. I am not happy to say that, yet it is true.
I cannot afford to do that now. Beside my relationship with Christ, my relationship with my husband is the most important one I will cultivate. I let myself off the hook when I saw things that I knew didn't reflect Jesus. I just didn't always feel like digging deep there. However, I'm being confronted with those same things and I understand that I can no longer just let them fly. God is using my marriage to bring things to my attention and I'm listening (finally!).
My husband has been gracious and forgiving and I'm convinced now more than I was before that he was made for me. This adjustment is my favorite one so far.
All in all, the adjustments are coming along. They are not done by any means, but I'm taking them one deep breath at a time.
You may find yourself in a place of transition, too. Big or small, transition can be hard. It is also okay to acknowledge that your changes are good AND your are grieving what is left behind. It does not have to be one or the other.
Are you going through a transition? How are you dealing with it? Leave a comment and share.
Until next time, take good care of yourselves, friends,
Courtney xoxo