Look Forward

I'm looking forward to it.

Have you said that before? I certainly have said it - many times. It promotes a sense of promise, excitement, anticipation, or simply something fun that is about to happen.

I use this statement for a lot of things because a lot of things make me excited. However, the other day, I saw it written in a text message I received and it stopped me in my tracks. I have no idea why my thought process ventured into deeper depths, but I found myself thinking, but do you really look forward, though? How often are you lamenting what you see as you look behind?

Ouch.

To be honest, I struggle with leaving my past behind me. I am hard on myself and expect perfection. I spend too much time bothered by a mistake I've made and overanalyzing every move I made leading up to that mistake. It can be exhausting and defeating. I pondered these thoughts I was having. It turned out to be a cathartic experience, even though it had little to do with what the saying means on a surface level.

I realize that it is not very often that I look forward. I tend to anticipate what is next, but do not literally look forward toward it. Instead, I'm thinking of all the things that I did wrong before. I'm hung up on the shoulda/coulda/woulda and operate from that space, not the eager space of what will come next and how I will tackle what is in front of me. I want to be a person whose actions align with the words she says, even if it is a statement that I use all the time, a superficial, harmless statement that I really do mean.

Friends, I hope that you learn to look forward. If you struggle with harping on your past and the mistakes you might have made in it, I am with you. Let's strive to manage our expectations of ourselves. Mistakes are going to happen and that is okay. Very rarely is something completely unfixable. I am not perfect; you are not perfect. We were never intended to be. If we were, we would never need help from Jesus and we certainly need His help. Let's take a breath and dare to let go of the things that keep us from looking ahead to what is next for us.

If we understand that mistakes make us better instead of thinking they permanently ruin us, perhaps we will view our mistakes as hills throughout the journey. Hills we can certainly climb and get over. Some of my greatest triumphs have come out of my worst mistakes.

This may take time to get into our system, but I believe it will be worth it. Hang in there and, until next time, take care of yourselves, friends!

Courtney xoxo