welcome to my world, friends!
Hello! I am so glad you've taken a moment to read a little bit more about me and what brings me here. My name is Courtney and I am 36 years old. Right now, in my world, transition is the name of the game. I would say that I know a thing or two (or twenty-seven) about transition.
I moved from my home state of Maryland in 2012 to attend graduate school for the second time. In my mind, I knew that I was going to do everything in my power not to come back. My parents were in the midst of a divorce after almost 30 years of marriage. As you can imagine, it was heartbreaking. Going back to school was a great excuse for leaving, but the truth is that it was also an attempt to escape a distressing situation. I knew I was taking a chance by moving to a new place without knowing anyone, but I also knew that it was time for me to be on my own.
Adjusting to life away from home and my family was not always easy. However, after two years of hard work, I finished school, made friends, secured a job in my chosen field, and moved into a new apartment which was another transition. Now, seven years later, as much as things change, they also stay the same. I have been in the same job for the last seven years, in the very office in which I started on my first day. I've only been in my current apartment for a little over a year, after having been in the same apartment for five years.
I had a rhythm, a schedule, and a routine from which I seldom deviated. At work, I knew when the busy times of year would be. I knew the run of show of the school year, even though no two days looked the same. As a single woman who lived alone, my home was where I rested and recovered. It was also the place where I had to cook, clean, do laundry, pay bills, and all the other adult things that had to be done. I was fine doing everything alone, but it took a toll sometimes. Don't be fooled, though, I am a BOSS at carrying my groceries up three flights of stairs in one trip!
What I am trying to say is that there were times when I felt confident that my transition period was over. It felt like I had settled into a life that I had created. I did fun things I wanted to do; I hung out with my girlfriends; I took myself out on dates and on solo trips; I traveled all over the world. I was doing my thing. Then, out of nowhere, I met someone. Since then, there has been a progression of change. And, now, I am about to transition yet again and it is a big one.
I AM GETTING MARRIED!!
Omg, did I just say that?
YES! I am getting married to my best friend and I cannot wait. Also, it feels like the rhythm of the life that I have thoughtfully built, in which I dwelled for so long, is slipping away from me so quickly. It is as if the years flew by and I don't know where they went. I feel like one of those mothers who says things like, "Babies don't keep." It's like one minute you're wondering if the cycle you're in will ever end. Then, as it's coming to a close, you find yourself wishing that you would have done more with the time you had.
Don't take this the wrong way. I am beyond excited to marry him. It is the kind of love that makes me lose my breath and catch it at the same time. I now know that every truism, corny or otherwise, about love has weight. I am convinced that every road led me here and I am overwhelmed with gratitude. As well, I cannot ignore the rumblings inside of me that have nothing to do with getting married, but have everything to do with me being married.
My life is about to change, in a magnificent way. I am about to do something that I have never done. I am about to be something to someone that I have never been before. I am about to live with another human being who, among other things, does not have the same views as me when it comes to how to correctly fold a towel (send help, please). It's fun to plan the wedding, but planning the marriage is impossible. How can I know exactly what to expect or what will come? How can I know who I will be in five years or who he will be in that amount of time? I have no idea.
I do know that many questions people ask me when they find out I'm getting married have to do with the event.
Set a date yet?
Find a dress?
Where is it going to be?
What about COVID?
Interestingly, what I think about most has little to do with any of those things, although they are really fun to think about. It's not to say that there is anything wrong with enjoying the wedding or the process of planning it. Still, no one prepared me for the heaviness that I feel, the weight of what is about to take place in my life.
So, welcome to my world! It is a world full of excitement, joy, anticipation, and also a great deal of fear and wonder around the unknown. I am thankful for my partner. I could not imagine this journey with anyone else except him. I am also thankful for you as you read through how I am navigating this exciting time in my life. I'm all for weddings and great food and dancing and celebrating with the people I love most. I'm also all for being able to have a space to talk about all the other things that come along with the big day -- like the big lifetime that follows.
This, friends, is the world I'm living in and I'm thrilled that you're a part of it. Let's go!
Damien and Courtney are getting married!